The Greater Vancouver Wedding Guide

Back To Wedding Hints and Tips

There are many people who can take part in your wedding. Their degree of participation can vary immensely. This is merely an outline of some of the more traditional duties of people at most formal weddings - it is entirely up to you as to who you want and what you want them to do at your wedding.

THE BRIDE
After the style, date and place of your wedding and reception has been established and you have visited your clergyman to confirm the date and go through the ceremony details with him, it's time to choose the people you would like to help you. You should make a guest list and your invitation announcements and enclosure cards should be ordered. You should decide on your wedding gown and your attendants' dresses. You might select a small gift for your attendants as mementos and you should be prepared to write a small personal note of appreciation for each gift you receive.

THE GROOM
After you set the date, you should compile your guest list and select your best man, ushers, and choose what they will wear. It is your responsibility to get the marriage license and other necessary documents and make all the arrangements for your wedding trip. On the wedding day, your chief concern will be getting to the ceremony on time. Your best man should be able to take care of everything. It is necessary to go over your wedding plans thoroughly with him so that he will know exactly what to do.

Some men feel that the wedding is something they have to do because they have to. They feel it's only a duty they fulfill to make the bride happy. That attitude is not the best way to start off a relationship. You get married to share things, don't you? This is a good time to begin. By actively participating in the planning and functions before and on the wedding day, you can start things off together and start it off right. One of the things you can do is keep in contact with your bride all through the hectic planning stages and keep her spirits up and her thoughts happy. Let her know you care about what is important to her and remember that the wedding is your day too. Make it one of your best days.

One of your major tasks is planning the honeymoon.

Transportation, hotel reservations and time schedules should be taken care of.

Choose your attendants and plan and order their outfits and your own.

Arrange for out-of-town people accommodations

If your parents are giving a rehearsal dinner, plan it out with them.

Talk to the clergyman, the musicians if you are interested and select the rings. These times are perfect for lunches and dinners together.

Get your financial affairs in order. Make any adjustments in your insurance policies you need to make. Open any new checking or savings accounts you will need.

Buy gifts for your best man and ushers.

Meet with your best man and make certain of his duties.

Make plans to pick up the marriage license with your bride. Make sure all other necessary documents - passport, birth certificates, record of blood tests - are in order.

Make plans for your bachelor party if you are giving one.

Plan to pay the clergyman or give the money to your, best man. You can pay the clergyman anytime but traditionally, you usually will place his fee in an envelope with his name on it and give it to your best man to give to him at the most convenient time. A call to the church office's secretary usually uncovers the expected amount.

Make any necessary arrangements for your new house.

Arrange all transportation for the wedding day. (Delegate what duties you can to your best man).

1. Recheck all documents, financial arrangements, travel arrangements, and moving plans.
2. Make sure your outfits are in order and ready to be delivered.
3. Make sure your best man and ushers are aware of their schedules and responsibilities. Especially your Best Man!
4. Make sure you have everything packed away that you'll need on your honeymoon.
5. Show up at the church at least 45 minutes before the wedding.

THE GROOM AND HIS ATTENDANTS
The wedding clothes for the men vary with the time of day and degree of formality of the wedding, but in essence, men's clothes remain rather traditional.

In very formal affairs, the traditional attire still is the black tailcoat and trousers with satin stripes, a white single-breasted waistcoat, a dressy evening shirt with wing collar and cuff links, pearl studs, instead of buttons, and a white tie - always the traditional formal bow tie. Patent leather tie shoes or pumps are worn with black dress socks. A high silk hat and white gloves are optional.

Nowadays, all the menswear is usually always rented unless the wedding is an informal wedding in which a plain dark suit could be worn. Most rental agencies are equipped to service any type of formal affairs. Colors and styles are rapidly becoming popular. Men are selecting what they like to wear and what looks best on them rather than relying solely on tradition. Your rental agency who specializes in renting formal wear can show you a number of colors and styles just right for you.

The attendants and the father of the bride always wear what the groom selects. If the father of the groom plans to be in the receiving line, he should wear what everyone else wears.

Rental outfits should be ordered about 4 to 6 weeks before the wedding. Out-of -town attendants can send in their measurements. The men should try out their outfits a few days before the wedding to make sure everything is right. Some helpful hints are:

The shirt collar should hug the neck. The shirt sleeves should extend no more than one-half inch beyond the jacket sleeve.

Jackets should button easily and not pull in any way.

Trousers should touch the vamps of shoes.

Black shoes and socks are worn with dark clothes; light-colored shoes and pastel or light socks are worn with light trousers.

The ring-bearer can wear a dress suit with long or short pants in navy blue or white in summer. Sometimes an outfit identical to that of the groomsmen can be rented.

MAID OF HONOR
The Maid (unmarried) or Matron of Honor (person that's married) is the bride's personal attendant during the whole affair. Yes, the bride may have one each. She sees that everything is going smoothly, comforts the bride, holds the bride's bouquet during the ceremony, and keeps the groom's ring as well. She may be distinguished from the bridesmaids by a variation in the style and color of her dress and flowers, Her main function is to see that the bride is happy and that the rest of the bridesmaids are properly dressed and at the church on time. She is also usually one of the two official witnesses to sign the marriage certificate.

The bride may ask her to go with her to several of the vendors for advise and opinion, especially if for some reason the groom can't go with her. She is responsible for making sure the bride has at least one bridal shower. Showers can be thrown by her close friends, relatives, and the girls in the bridal party. On wedding day, as tradition has it, she is to make sure the bride keeps on schedule and gets to the church on time (the photographer will love her for this, as well). Also, make sure the bride gets something to eat. The main reason people pass out during ceremonies is no food in their stomach; 2nd reason is locking the knees. During her portrait session with the photographer, if on wedding day, she makes sure her hair and makeup are as the bride wants it. Sometimes during the reception, when the Best Man offers a toast, the Maid of Honor is also asked if she would like to say something. Sometimes, but not often. If the bride and groom have a money dance she should hold the pins, if that is how the bride wants the money affixed. Or, she may just hold a money bag.

THE BEST MAN
Today the Best Man is the indispensable chief of staff at the wedding. He is the Master of Ceremonies and Toastmaster of the reception and personal valet and adviser to the groom. He makes certain the groom is properly dressed and at the church on time. He takes charge of the marriage license (which he signs), and the bride's wedding ring: producing each at the proper time. He takes the minister's fee and the organist's fee from the groom and presents it to the clergyman in a sealed envelope at the first opportune moment. He may also supervise the ushers, making sure that they are properly dressed and thoroughly briefed and at the ceremony site at the appointed time.

At the reception,he makes the toasts which is usually a wish for health, happiness, and prosperity. He reads telegrams and makes announcements and introductions. He makes sure the reception runs smoothly and that no practical jokes are played on the bride and groom.

The final responsibility is to get the newlyweds off to a smooth start on their honeymoon. He helps the groom change into his going-away clothes (the next day he may take all the rental clothes back to the outfitter) and may assist with last-minute packing. He takes charge of the luggage, seeing that it is safely locked in the honeymoon car or checked ahead at the station or airport. He can help the bride and groom into the getaway car or drive you to the airport. He must make certain everything is in order like keys, tickets, and baggage checks. The best man has a great deal of responsibility and should be made aware of his duties so he can prepare himself.

THE BRIDESMAIDS
The number of bridesmaids you have depends on the style and size of your wedding. You can choose anyone you want though it is customary to ask your closest friends and relatives of approximate age. Girls ranging in age from 11 to 16 can be junior bridesmaids. Often a relative from the groom's family - his sister or a favorite cousin is invited as a bridesmaid.

Although bridesmaids have no specific pre-wedding duties, they usually offer to run errands, address envelopes, and help the bride in any way they can. They are invited to all the pre-wedding parties and may give one if they wish. Bridesmaids are responsible for assembling and paying for their own wedding outfits and other expenses except the flowers. It is acceptable for the bride or her parents to pay expenses for any or all the bridesmaids, but it is seldom done.

USHERS
Ushers selected by the groom are part of the bridal procession. They escort guests as they arrive and exit, and like the bridesmaids, should show concern for the guests. Allow one usher per 40 guests as a rule. Groomsmen provide their own clothing, either purchased or rented. It is advisable to have the ushers arrive at the ceremony 45 minutes to an hour beforehand. The number of ushers need not match the number of bridesmaids unless you plan to have them walk together in the recessional.

Before the ceremony

Be at the church three-quarters of an hour before the wedding hour, unless the wedding is a small one of less than 50 guests, when a half-hour in advance is ample.

If there are candles to be lit, light them just before the guests start arriving, beginning with altar candles.

Ushering before the ceremony

As the guests arrive, the usher asks each lady "Are you a friend or a relative?" Next, he asks "Of the bride or groom?" Then he offers his right arm to the lady, holding his hand loosely across his chest and ushers them to the proper place. If she is accompanied by a gentleman, the usher asks the gentleman to follow them.

A gentleman alone is rarely ushered to a seat but should be directed to the proper place.

An usher is never stiff in manner, but smiles and chats with the guests as he ushers them, and then pauses for a moment at the end of the pew while the guests are being seated.

If two or more women arrive together, the usher offers his arm to the nearest or eldest and asks the others to follow behind.

If anyone seems embarrassed or refuses to take the usher's arm after obviously being offered it, the usher should ignore the whole matter and just ask her to follow.

If a person does not wish to be ushered but desires to find his or her own seat, that is permissible, provided he or she does not choose the seats reserved for relatives.

The Ceremony

Grandparents are ushered in just before mothers.

The groom's mother is ushered to the first pew on the right, the groom's father following.

The bride's mother is ushered to the first pew on the left. No more guests are ushered in after she is seated. Late comers may use the side aisles and be directed by the ushers.

If it is not already laid out, following the second solo, the white runner is to be laid along the aisle, if it is to be used.

The head usher signals the organist.

Ushers go down the center aisle in pairs or single file and take their appointed places.

After the introductory melody of the wedding march, the first bridesmaid proceeds down the aisle.

After the Ceremony

Immediately after the recessional, the parents of the bride and groom are escorted to the rear of the church. One usher offers his arm to the bride's mother, while her father or escort follows immediately behind.

Another usher using the same procedure follows with the groom's parents.

As soon as the bride's and groom's parents have been ushered out, two ushers immediately come forward and indicate, pew by pew, that the guests may leave.

CHILD ATTENDANTS
Children can add lots of charm to a wedding but they may also cause some problems. A shy or frightened child may balk or cry at the moment when they have to walk down the aisle or may cause some disturbance during the ceremony. Poise and maturity should be a major factor in your choice of children.

The Flower Girl carries a little basket with rose petals or a small bouquet or a little flower-covered muff.

The Ring Bearer carries a white satin pillow with the bride's ring (preferably not the real one) tied to the center with ribbons.

Pages or Trainbearers always come in pairs about the same size. They are also used when the bride has a long train.

Child attendants must attend the rehearsal so they can practice their parts. It is a good time to find out if they will be able to do it.

THE BRIDE'S MOTHER
Your mother can help you compile the guest list, arrange the details of the wedding and reception and selection of your wedding outfit. Your mother is the official hostess for the wedding. She is privileged to sit in the very first pew on the bride's side of the aisle. She is the last person to be escorted to her seat before the wedding and the first to be ushered out after it is over. When she is hostess for the reception, she greets all the guests at the head of the receiving line, and sits in the place of honor at the parent's table. When you are ready to leave the reception, your mother should be granted a few minutes alone with you to say goodbye.

THE BRIDE'S FATHER
Your father is your escort from your house to the church and walks you down the aisle to the altar. After giving you away, he joins your mother in the first row. As the official host of the reception, he mingles with the guests and is the last one to leave the reception and the one who bids the guests goodbye. It is customary for your father's dress to conform to that of the groom.

If your parents are divorced, your father may still give you away. Instead of sitting with your mother, however, he would sit in the third row.

If your father is not living, you may ask any relative or friend or your mother to give you away.

THE GROOM'S PARENTS
The Groom's parents should contact the bride and her parents when the couple becomes engaged, and invite them for at a given time. If the bride lives in another city, a note should be written to welcome her into the groom's family. A cordial note should also be written to her parents.

A tea or some party should be given for the bride.

Traditionally, the bride's parents assume the major expense of the wedding. Since the size of the wedding is often dictated by what the bride's parents can afford, it is wise for the groom and his parents to limit their guest list to the number of people that the bride's family suggests.

A rehearsal party or dinner may be given by the groom's family.

THE SPECIAL AIDE
Contributing to the overall success of the wedding and reception should be some kind of supervisor-general, usually a relative or good friend. Such a person can graciously handle the details of the receiving line, signal the time to cut the cake, make the toasts, start the music for the first dance, remind others of the order of dances, and see that pictures are taken of everyone the bride and groom want pictures of. Anyone may serve in this capacity but the best person is usually someone with experience like a wedding coordinator, but whoever you choose to make your wedding run smoothly, give them complete charge with the understanding that the person not offend anyone in their zeal or upstage any of the principals, most notably the mother of the bride, who is the official hostess.

SPECIAL ATTENDANTS

Young Boys - These younger attendants might also distribute mass books or Yamulkes, give out packets of rice, light candles, serve as acolytes.

Young Girls might keep the bride's book or assist in serving refreshments at the reception.